Baby Let Your Light Save Me
by The Bickering Kingdom
Summary: Bellatrix has been a Death Eater since she was a sixth year at Hogwarts, she's not sure if thats what she really wants and after a relationship starts between her and Alastor Moody her loyalties become further conflicted.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.

AN: This story is going to be 3 or 4 parts.

The first time the Dark Lord orders her to use her body to gain information is shortly after she's finished her seventh year at Hogwarts. She had been a Death Eater for a year at that point and knew she had no choice, but to obey even if she didn't want to do it.

Once you were marked there was no where to run or hide from the Dark Lord there is only obeying and hoping you've done a good enough job to avoid pair or death.

She got the information he wanted and it both pleased and sickened her.

The Dark Lord told her she was special and different from the rest who followed him, the naivety of youth made her believe his words.  
The next time he demands she do it again is nearly a year later a week after Andromeda has left home and moved in with a Mudblood.

This time there are no sweet words of being special there is only the not so subtle threat towards her sister if she Bellatrix doesn't obey.

Bellatrix knew then even she wanted to attempt to defect, run and her hide her sister's actions had made that impossible.

That night as the young, naive Auror told her everything she feels a part of her soul dying and belief the cause is fading fast.

Line Break

By the time Bellatrix is twenty-one she has risen through the ranks to become the person the Dark Lord trusts the most.

She has killed more people than she wants to remember and has bedded so many it makes her feel sick.

If it's fear of the Dark Lord or fear of what she has become that has made her stay she no longer knows. Some nights she stands outside Andromdea's house and watches her sister untainted by the darkness of her world. Narcissa isn't as lucky as Andromeda she is unfortunately slap bang in the middle and Bellatrix doesn't know if she can keep her untainted from herself or Lucius.

The Dark Lord's moods change constantly about her. One day she is his best and special, the next worthless and unworthy.

She's not sure which one is true or which she wants to be true.

She's lost and scared in a world where there is only death and destruction tainting everything.

If there is a chance for redemption, she doesn't know where to find it or if it will find her.

Line break

A month after her twenty second birthday the Dark Lord orders her to seduce Alastor Moody. He's the best and most untrusting Auror there is, it shocks how short of time it takes for him to bed her.

How after he asks "So what exactly did Voldemort want you to ask me?"

For the first time since she began gathering information she isn't sure what to say or ask whether to kill him or not.

He willingly gives her little bits of information before leaving her in bed and telling her "We must do this again Bellatrix".

She doesn't tell the Dark Lord that Alastor gave her the information without her manipulating him, if the Dark Lord used Legilimency to see if she's telling him everything or not he doesn't say.

He tells her "Well done and next time get more out him".

She's not sure who she feels more used by the Dark Lord or Alastor, who she hates more them or her. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.**

* * *

Six months Alastor Moody has been feeding Bellatrix information under Dumbledore's order, four months he's tried persuading her to change sides.

Here they were once again with him desperately trying to get her to change sides before she ends up dead, insane or in Azkaban.

"Let me help you Bellatrix" Alastor says, not for the first and probably not the last.

"You can't protect me from him no one can. I belong to him we all do once we take the mark, the only way out is death" Bellatrix whispers in the darkness and her back turned on him.

"Dumbledore could and you know it, defect and he'll put you somewhere safe like he has Andromeda and Ted" Alastor tells her in a tired tone, he's said it all before and knows he response before she gives it.

"What about Narcissa? She'll never leave Lucius and he won't leave the Dark Lord not while he is so powerful,"  
It's the same question every time "What about Narcissa?".

Like Bellatrix had been programmed never to say what she wanted or needed it was always about someone else.

He doesn't know what to her, he doesn't have a solution so he just pulls her close and holds her until she falls asleep.

He drifts off to sleep shortly after her.  
Bellatrix is already gone when he wakes several hours later.

* * *

The next time he sees her it feels like an entirety has passed, but in reality its been a week and a half.

Only this time Bellatrix hasn't come to him for information no this time she can barely stand and looks in agony.

He knows it's Voldemort's doing for whatever reason the madman had hurt her.

How she had made to him her condition is a mystery to him.

He doesn't ask her how she managed to or why Voldemort had hurt her because no matter what he says she'll go back to him.

So he fixes her up the best he again,,tries to make her comfortable and hopes the Voldemort doesn't summon her for a few days at least.

* * *

She stays for three-days to heal. The first day is a bit of a jumble for her, there is only pain and soothing words from Alastor.

A lot of the day she sleeps and just about remembers being told to take small sips of waters.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, there is the feeling she shouldn't have gone to him, but she had nowhere else to go or no one else to go to.

So she pushes the feeling away and sleeps.

The second day she is still in pain and feels tired, but after being dosed up with a strong pain reliever potion she has enough energy to eat and take a bath.

She doesn't have the energy to argue with Alastor, but she does anyway.

"Whatever you're trying not to say can you just say it and get over with it?" Bellatrix asks, irritated at him for reasons she doesn't know.

"There really isn't any point because nothing will change you'll still go back to him. You'll say it's because you want to protect Narcissa or because no one can keep you safe, but it isn't, " Alastor sighs, he doesn't want to argue with her.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that for so long someone has always given you orders from your parents to Voldemort that you can't function without them" Alastor tells her, trying his hardest to put it as gently as possible.

"That isn't true and even if it is I fail see how it's any concern of yours" Bellatrix hisses, her nostrils flaring.

"You're in my house and my bed so you made it my business. Now, as much as I am enjoying this little chat I have to go to work and you need to rest"

Bellatrix couldn't help scowling because he was right, she had made his business and that he was leaving for work, leaving her alone.

He didn't return until the early hours of the morning and he wouldn't look Bellatrix in the eye. She didn't need him to ask what had happened, it was obvious that they'd been a death eater attack and lives lost or destroyed by a loss.

On the third day they barely spoke there were a few exchanges of do need this or can you pass me this and that was all.

Bellatrix still wasn't completely healed yet, but when she felt her dark mark burning whether it was from fear or loyalty she went to Voldemort.

Alastor wanted to stop her, beg her not to go to him, but he couldn't because all he could see was the family slaughtered by Death Eaters.

She wasn't there he knew that, but he also knew that if she had of been she wouldn't have spared anyone either.


End file.
